Chips of the Cookie
by Charlett
Summary: Yggdrasil rises again, kidnapping Sheena in a twisted plot. It's up to Lloyd and Zelos to rescue her in this fastpaced tale of love, loss, and lust! Lloydx?
1. Chapter 1

A reminder. This is NOT a crackfic. Repeat, NOT a crackfic! I poured my HEART into this story so don't dis it lol!

Sit back, and enjoy:

READ ON!

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Chips of the Cookie:  
The Darkness Hidden Within the Sugary Dough

"Lloyd sweetie!" Colette proclaimed, tightening her apron and holding up a spoon filled with her latest concoction, "If you don't mind…"

Lloyd blinked sleepy eyes at his wife as his daughter, Jessica, snuggled deep into his shirt. She cooed happily as he sat up with her in his arms, and looked at Colette as she stared lovingly at him, "Huh…?" He muttered as Jessica drooled on his shirt.

"If you don't mind, Lloyd…" Colette murmured, her face flushed from beating the dough that would soon become chocolate chip cookies: they were Lloyd's favorite after all, "Do you want to try this, see if it's good enough?"

Lloyd glowered at the dough with three chips imbedded inside. He looked away when Jessica screeched loudly, laughing aloud and flailing her limbs joyously, "I could get salmonella, what are you trying to do, poison me?"

"Lloyd, you know that only happens if you eat tainted raw protein…" Colette said. SOMEONE listened during Raine's lectures when they were children, "Try a bit, come on!"

"HEY BUD!" The couple's door was broken down as Zelos BURST into the room like WOAH! Lloyd blinked at the door which had a Zelos boot print on it, "It's terrible! Mithos has been resurrected but killed the guy who resurrected him so we don't have to talk about the dead guy and now he's wreaking havoc on the world but worst of all he's kidnapped Sheena in an attempt to force her to revoke her pact with Origin so he can reform the pact and steal the Eternal Blade!" The former chosen of Tethe'alla shouted in one fell swoop, crossing the threshold, grabbing Lloyd's white tails, and dragging him off, "We gotta save her!"

And in two seconds the PLOT WAS ESTABLISHED!

"Lloyd, what about me?" Colette asked, shouldering Jessica (who miraculously appeared in her arms). She prepared to remove her apron even with her hands full (The magical abilities of a wife and mother), letting her wings appear in a bright flash, "I can be of assistance!"

"PPPPFFFFT," Lloyd laughed, waving her away as she stood in the room, cookie dough dripping from the spoon and Jessica coughing up drool on her mother's hand, "Colette, you're a WIFE, and everyone knows WIVES can't FIGHT!" Zelos and Lloyd laughed for a while, even while the husband was being held by the tails by the chosen. The two then immediately got serious, "Stay here and be a good girl!"

"I'll just play with Jessica then…" Colette murmured, cooing at her tiny daughter as Lloyd crossed his arms and let Zelos drag him out with a cool smile on his face, and the two were gone! Colette looked at the cookie dough and smiled, "Well, I'm sure the cookies will be done by the time he comes back! He IS Lloyd, after all!" She blushed at the thought of her handsome Lloyd fighting Yggdrasil all over again. Jessica nearly slipped out of Colette's hands from the slippery drool.

---

Three days later…

"Man! Why are we wandering around Goracchia Forest?" Lloyd whined at Zelos as they wandered through the forest without the Sorcerer's Ring to light their way. Hey, the ring was sacred! What was he going to do, just keep it or something?

"Well, duh!" Zelos said, putting his hands on his hips, "Because Sheena's hometown is around here somewhere, so that's where Yggdrasil must be!"

"That doesn't make any…"

"Looking for something?" Yggdrasil asked, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

"Told ya!" Zelos said, laughing as Lloyd glared at his friend.

"Lloyd! Zelos!" A woman cried, and Lloyd's breath hitched in his throat. Sheena was tied up behind Yggdrasil! He was even dragging her along by a rope as if she were a common dog! "Help me! I can kick ass any day of the week but now that I'm TIED UP I can't do ANYTHING my powers are for naught ASSIST me so I may REWARD you! I'm sure I'll think of SOMETHING!"

Zelos was about to reply that he'd save her but Lloyd shoved the former Chosen out of the way and pulled out the twin blade of Eternity, "I'll save you, Sheena!"

Yggdrasil laughed, "Hahahahahaha!" he laughed, "You'll never defeat me! Hahahahahaha!" He laughed.

"LIGHTNING TIGER BLADE RAWR!" Lloyd roared stabbing Yggdrasil.

"I didn't know you'd get so strong!" He growled as fountains of blood gushed onto Lloyd's face from his stump after Lloyd cut off his arm, "But I'll come back sometime and when I do, I'm going to kill you!" And with that, he disappeared with a magical ability.

Lloyd was sweating from the arduous battle, and as he sheathed his swords, he wiped the sweat from his forehead with Yggdrasil's disembodied arm. He was leaking so much salty water that he had to remove his shirt, and Sheena blushed.

Zelos apparently slammed his head on a sharp rock when Lloyd pushed him and now he was bleeding out. No one cared.

"Lloyd!" Sheena said as the swordsman kneeled down and began to cut Sheena's ropes with his Eternal Blade, cutting off her hands in the process, "Why did you take off your shirt?"

"No reason!" He said cheerfully as Sheena stood, rubbing her wrists with her hands. Lloyd suddenly realized they were the sexiest wrists on the planet. Yet he couldn't! He was married to a woman and they had a kid! That would be too terrible to… Aww to hell with it, the man grabbed the ninja's wrists and started smothering them with wet, drooly kisses. Sheena was touched as she watched the drool get her hands and arms wet. Something inside her was moved.

"I… never knew how much I loved you Lloyd!" Sheena suddenly cried, wrapping her arms around the man, squeezing him tight, "I kinda assumed that Zelos and I would get together but he's dead now so I have no one else to go to!" She cried, refusing to be reminded that there were seventeen thousand million men in the entire world at that moment. She stared at Lloyd's bare chest and suddenly realized he was removing her top. SOMEONE seemed to be eager…

The two dropped onto the forest floor together, each removing the other's various articles of clothing until they were naked upon the forest floor. Anyone in their right mind might have chosen a nice plush bed to have an affair in, but not THESE geniuses! Lol just like Genius the Half-Elf!

So like, a buncha stuff happened and there were many references to penises and vaginas like "throbbing member" and "purity ring" and there was much moaning and crying out and suddenly Sheena screeched out the name of her lover, "Oh Zelos! ZELOS! Give it to me HARD!" Lloyd suddenly blinked, and Sheena grinned sheepishly, "Uh… Oops…?"

And then the two climaxed together because it wouldn't be as MEANINGFUL if they didn't do it together, and then collapsed onto the leaves and vegetation, tired but ecstatic. The two would have spent the night in the forest but Sheena suddenly wrinkled her nose and glared at the corpse of Zelos, which was already beginning to attract flies. Sheena then shivered in the cold night air and whispered into Lloyd's ear, "We'd better get back to… where are we going to go back to?"

"Take me home, lover," Lloyd whispered, kissing Sheena on her love prongs because that was much sexier than her lips, "To your home." Sheena blushed.

---

Seventeen days later…

"She's got pneumonia, Master Lloyd," One of the ninja doctors of Mizuho said to the Eternal Swordsman as Sheena tossed and turned in her bed at her grandfather's home, "She's got a 25 percent chance to live."

Lloyd scratched the back of his head as Sheena coughed and hacked up blood, "Maybe we shouldn't have been rolling on the cold hard ground naked in the middle of the winter snow, huh…?"

The doctor gave Lloyd a half banked glare, "YA THINK?" He grumbled, standing up and storming from the room.

Lloyd dropped next to Sheena as she continued to hack and cough, wondering how the hell pneumonia got to be so life threatening. He shrugged and assumed it was because the doctor didn't actually know any other life threatening diseases, "Sheena, whatever happens, the two of us will always be together, because if you die I'm going to slit my wrists and pour my life essence onto your body as the others burn it to ashes and someone uses it as a reagent to resurrect Yggdrasil again after we kill him again."

Sheena placed her hand on Lloyd's arm, smiling weakly, "That was a very sweet sentiment, Lloyd," She whispered, "But I can't die yet. You see…" She coughed a bit and then continued, "I'm carrying our baby… The doctor told me while he was paying us a visit, but I couldn't bear to tell you until now. I have to stay alive for our child. I can't die yet."

Lloyd wondered how the doctor told Sheena only about this wonderful news when he was in the SAME ROOM, but was too busy rejoicing, "That's wonderful!" He proclaimed, "I've never had a child before. I'm looking forward to it!"

The two kissed so passionately that it took every fiber of Lloyd's being not to ravish his sick lover right there to avoid letting her be hurt any further, "Good night, my princess…"

And then he ravished her.

---

Seven months later…

Genis and Regal entered the town of Mizuho to meet with Lloyd and Sheena. They wanted to see how the two were doing now that Lloyd was running the ninja town! Despite the fact that he didn't know anything about ninjutsu! Suddenly all the children were using Sonic Thrust rather than Pyre Seal. No one seemed to care that 10,000 years of TRADITION was destroyed by one prick who knocked their leader up.

"Lloyd! Sheena!" Regal said, chuckling at how pregnant Sheena was. She had morning sickness and was throwing up and had circles under her eyes from lack of sleep and was complaining about back pain, but she GLOWED! She was the most beautiful woman ever even despite the fact that she was passing out from every pain killer known to Mizuho-ians.

"Genis, how's it been?" Lloyd said, hugging his friend in the traditional Mizuho greeting. All the LloydxGenis fans fainted with nosebleeds, "I'm sure you've," He chuckled, "Met my NEW wife?"

"Of course!" Genis said, taking Sheena's hand and kissing it. Sheena passed out from a narcoleptic seizure. The three men laughed heartily at the joke.

"So, how has Raine been doing?" Regal asked the Half-Elf. Genis' face suddenly fell. Lloyd remembered why he was so sad.

"Yeah…" Lloyd murmured, "Ever since Genis died of a cancerous brain tumor two years ago, she's never been the same…" The two men sighed unhappily at the memory of their good friend…

"Well!" Lloyd said forgetting who they were talking about. He clapped his hands together and asked his guest, "Who's up for some Meltokian delicacies? Ever since I took over Mizuho I've been forcing the ninjas to steal food for me!"

"You certainly have yourself an awesome setup here, Lloyd," Regal said, wrapping his arm around Lloyd's shoulder as they stepped over the comatose Sheena towards the dining area. All the LloydxRegal fans squealed with delight and ordered the authoress to write more of them wrapping each others' arms around each others' shoulders.

---

Someodd months later…

"Sheena our little girl is so adorable!" Lloyd said as Sheena stumbled into the room after cutting herself from afterbirth depression, "What shall we name her?"

"She's been around for three months, Lloyd," Sheena said, kissing her husband on the cheek. His stupid idiocy was what made him so CUTE! Not to mention he was a TIGER in bed, "I've already named her Mitsuki-chan."

Lloyd blinked at Sheena, "That's not JAPANESE enough!" He shouted, "We have to show off how JAPANESE we are and name her something AWESOME! Like Natsujofafuyu!"

"Lloyd… that… doesn't make any sense…"

Natsujofafuyulurolu-CHAN!" Lloyd roared, making Mitsuki-, sorry, Natsujofafuyulurolu-chan, cry loudly, "or is it Natsujofafuyuruloru?"

"Let's just call her Natsu then…" Sheena said, blinking. Suddenly she was hit with an AMAZING idea! "Hey! Now that I'm not pregnant anymore wanna make love?"

Lloyd dropped Natsujofu… (aww, what the hell was Lloyd THINKING?) Natsu on the floor and rushed off after Sheena as the two discarded their cloths to leave a seductive line leading towards their bed.

As the two writhed on the bed together and Sheena STILL called out Zelos' name (but Lloyd wouldn't change that quirk in her for the world!), Yggdrasil poked his head up from the window and smiled. So Lloyd was knocking up a woman besides his wife huh…? This was perfect…

"Mwahahahaha…" Yggdrasil giggled like a schoolgirl on prom night, rubbing his hands together happily, "So now my plan will go purrrrrrrfectly. All I have to do is…" His thoughts of world domination were interrupted when the two began to climax and he poked his head back to the window. The glass began to mist up from his heavy breathing.

…

…No one noticed he was there…

TO BE CONTINUED…

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I'm still debating in my mind if there ARE LloydxRegal fans. I saw a ZelosxRegal...

ZOMG review if you don't I'll CRY WAHHH!

See lol!?


	2. Chapter 2

Lawls it's the next chapter it's so KAWAII REALLY Review lots peeps! -Smooches and kisses- xoxo lololols!

READ ON!

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Chips of the Cookie:  
Chapter 2

Many days since the last chapter's end…

Lloyd got a letter in the mail. The NINJA mail. Sheena bounced Natsu on her lap as Lloyd tore open the letter and scanned the contents. It read thusly:

"Dear Lloyd (all the LloydxYggdrasil/Mithos fans giggled at the fact that Lloyd was called "Dear".):

I have kidnapped your poor excuse for a wife. If you want her back, give up your new wife to me! We will make the switch at an abandoned building that I will pick at random. Meet me there in two hours, Lloyd. Two houuuuuuuurs…

Very Sincerely, Yggdrasil (Yet more giggles, as "Very Sincerely" could also be read as "Love".)."

Lloyd scratched his head as he read the letter, "Who's my poor excuse for an old wife?" He asked Sheena, who shrugged, "I don't think I remember anything like that…" Yggdrasil, who was peeking in from the same window as last chapter, cursed to himself. He should have known Lloyd was too stupid to remember Colette existed. He decided to take matters into his own hands…

---

"You're free to go," Yggdrasil said as he arrived back at his super secret hideout. Colette blinked, Jessica under one arm and an oven mitt on her other hand.

"That's nice!" She said, smiling as Jessica cooed and chewed on the Derris Emblem. Yggdrasil had given it to her because she was teething and he wanted to relieve the pain for her somehow, "Those cookies are still in the oven! I don't want them to get burnt!"

Yggdrasil growled as he released the angel and she flew away home. It was time for plan B…

---

Meanwhile, at Mizuho…

Lloyd was making the bed after waking up from a rousing night of lovemaking with his wife. The moment it was completely made, Sheena walked up and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Wow… You could bounce a gald on the bed sheets. They're so tight!" Lloyd suddenly grabbed his wife upon hearing the word "tight" and ravished her, messing the bed up yet again.

Halfway through the lovemaking, Lloyd expected Sheena to begin her usual calling out of Zelos' name, but it didn't come. He suddenly looked around the bed and realized she wasn't there! He blinked as he wondered what the hell he was doing in the bed all by himself all that time…

He suddenly saw a note on the floor and picked it up, tearing it open and reading the contents. It read thusly:

"Dear Lloyd (Yet more giggling):

I have kidnapped your other poor excuse for a wife. If you want her back, finders keepers, losers weepers! I am keeping her in an abandoned building that I have picked at random. In two hours I will have forced her to revoke the pact with Origin. Two houuuuuuuurs…

Very Sincerely, Yggdrasil (All the other fans groaned as they heard yet MORE giggling)."

Lloyd cursed. How could have Yggdrasil been such a leet ninja as to kidnap Sheena while they were making love!? He'd have to get the Half-Elf to teach his other Mizuhoian subjects the art of leet ninja looting. Yet first he had to find that randomly picked abandoned building. He crawled out of bed, applied his cloths, strapped on his swords, and rushed out past a screaming Natsu who was hungry for milk.

---

One hour and fifty-five minutes later, Lloyd finally came to the last abandoned building in all of Tethe'alla/Sylvarant. He rushed inside and shouted through the dark building, "Yggdrasil! Come and face me!" He shouted, "Finders keepers, losers weepers! I own this building now including Sheena who is also inside as well!"

"You lose, silly boy," Yggdrasil said, stepping out onto an inside balcony to look at Lloyd, "Sheena's actually at my super secret hideout. The only thing you own now is me!" (More giggli… oh, you know…)

"Oh yeah! Well what if now that I own you I can tell you to let Sheena go!" Lloyd said, "Didn't think of that, eh smart guy?"

"Too late… Two hours are up!" Yggdrasil proclaimed, "She is now ready to revoke her pact with Origin!"

Lloyd gasped, "What have you DONE to her? What kind of TORTURE have you made her ENDURE!?"

"I stuck her in my cold dungeons without giving her extra cloths," Yggdrasil replied filing his nails and blowing the excess off, "After two hours; ANYONE would revoke ANYTHING for some cloths."

Lloyd dropped to his knees, "NOOOOOOO! Damn you! Damn you to HELL!" He shouted, "Just think of how prongy her love prongs must beeeee!" He then dropped to the floor, a broken shell of a man.

"And now, the pieces are all falling together!" Yggdrasil proclaimed, taking the Eternal Blade(s) for himself as Lloyd curled into a fetal position, sucked his thumb and rocked back and forth, "I may not be able to kill you with the blade, but I can kill you with a well aimed Holy Lance (There wasn't any giggling now, just death by nosebleeds)!" He raised his hand and formed a psychedelically rainbow colored lance in his hands, and was about to thrust it in the man's cranium, until he heard a cry.

"Noooooo! Lloyd!" Someone shouted, "I told you not to die before meeeee! My sooooooon!" Kratos rushed in the way of the thrust, taking the spear in the… the chest… yeah…

"Kratos noooooooo!" Lloyd shouted, catching his father as the man fell into his arms (As all the LloydxKratos fans go "Awwww!"), "Kratos… Kratos…"

"Yes… my son…?" Kratos murmured, clutching the lance that penetrated… his chest… Yeah…

"Kratos…" Lloyd cried. He then made an entirely confused face, "How the hell did you get down here?"

"Nothing…" He replied as he took a painful shudder, the penetrated lance in… his chest… making him bleed bodily fluids… all over… the floor… "Can separate… a father… from… his son…" His eyes rolled in the back of his head, and he breathed… no more (and all the Kratos fans cried very sadly)…

Yggdrasil laughed, "That has gotta be the most fruity scene in all of this fandom!" He proclaimed. Suddenly he was serious, "Now that that's over, I will be off to reclaim the pact with Origin. See you lovebirds later!"

"What about Sheena?" Lloyd asked, dropping his father's corpse to the ground unceremoniously, standing to face his enemy, "You'll return her to me, won't you?"

Yggdrasil thought long… and hard… and finally said, "Nope, I'm thinking if she catches pneumonia it'd be fun watching you treating her by her bed as you hope in vain to be able to sex her up again." He then flew into the sky and disappeared.

"Damn you! Damn you, you bastard!" Lloyd shouted, stepping on Kratos' body so he could shake his fist closer to the gods, "How the hell am I supposed to treat her by her bed as I hope in vain to be able to sex her up again if she's not HERE!?"

Sadly… there was no response… and Lloyd sat on the cold floor to cry, "Sheena… I'll never see you agaiiiin…"

"Actually, you will," Yggdrasil said, dropping out of the sky to deposit and very naked and very tired Sheena on the floor, "Thank goodness you shouted that before I was out of super-sense-heightened hearing range, otherwise I would have forgotten all about that little tidbit. See you again!" and he disappeared yet again.

Lloyd realized that Sheena needed some cloths, so he took off Kratos' cloths and put them on her so she would be warm. She then awakened and looked deep into her lover's eyes. Then she sneezed.

"Dammit now you've got pneumonia again!" Lloyd growled, "You know, 75 percent chance to die is a BAD thing, you know."

"It's your fault," Sheena muttered, wrapping the dead man's cloths around her, "You were the one stupid enough to allow me to get kidnapped while we were having sex."

"Not my fault Yggdrasil has such leet ninja looting skillz," Lloyd grumbled in response. The two then locked lips and ravished one another. Then they went home.

---

After returning home, Lloyd placed Sheena on her bed. Natsu's cradle was (not surprisingly) empty, as Child Protective Services had waltzed right in, picked her up, and teleported away in a puff of smoke. Lloyd held Sheena close to him, and whispered that it was going to be okay…

It was at that moment that Yggdrasil took over the planet.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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Thanks for reading everyone. Hope you liked it so far!

Zomg everytime you review, I'll put a sexy pairing in! You know you want GenisxAnna! lololol!

I won't continue until I get 1000thousandbillion reviews and everyone who hates this story never understands TRUE ART. ART HATERS.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, I was going to make it two chapters longer, but I really was dragging this on. I finished this just a day or two ago and decided, "alright FINE I'm putting it up", so here it is. Thanks for everyone who supported this satire from the beginning!

Uh oh, that's too literate... here we go: "Omg lolz i got 2 teh end evry1 u gota give me lotz of luvs lolzzzzzz!"

There we go!

READ ON!

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Chips of the Cookie  
Chapter 3

Six Years Later…

The entire world was covered in swirling dark clouds that thundered and roared, making everyone run around in circles until they were either struck down or passed out from exhaustion. Regal was the only guy smart enough to suppose that maybe Yggdrasil probably needed to be put in his place. However, since none of the others were that smart, he arrived at Yggdrasil's secret hideout all by himself and was promptly killed by a Judgment spell. Raine continued to mourn the death of… that one person… Colette was still waiting patiently for the cookies to finish, and Lloyd was nursing Sheena back to health.

When Sheena finally recovered (Again) the two happily crawled into bed and began moaning and giggling and screaming the deceased Zelos' name, until someone whipped off the covers, "Hup hup hup!" A six year old girl proclaimed, "Put your cloths on! We're going to go beat Yggdrasil up!"

"Awwww, cummon!" Sheena whined to the girl, "You ain't the boss of us!"

"Yeah, you ain't our mother!" Lloyd added.

"No… but I'm your daughter, Jessica Irving!" The girl replied.

Crickets chirped.

"Who?"

Jessica grumbled, "Ever since you left Mother, she's been waiting patiently for you to return so she can pull those cookies out of the oven! I practically had to raise myself! So I did. I trained myself super hard so now I'm the only one who can negate the powers of the Eternal Blade so we can defeat Yggdrasil! I then became a Mercenary like Grandpa Kratos and changed my name to Mary Sue!" Lloyd didn't find that surprising at all, "So let's go, Father and Step Mother! We're going to save the world!"

Lloyd groaned, "Do we haaaaaafta?" Mary Sue kicked him in the groin. Sheena laughed at Mary's adorable antics.

---

"How did you know where Yggdrasil's Super Secret Hideout was, Mary Sue?" Sheena said as they stood before Yggdrasil's Super Secret Hideout, which was in Nevada.

"Because my name's Mary Sue… duh," Mary Sue replied. No one argued with her, "Now let's go save the world!"

The three were like, going inside Yggdrasil's Super Secret Hideout and like, totally pwned everyone inside, but OMG there was a super stronger guy who would have killed Lloyd but Mary Sue was like BAM and beat him in ONE HIT.

"Oh wow Mary Sue!" Lloyd said, "You're so cool!"

"I wish I were as strong as you!" Sheena said as Mary Sue floated daintily to the ground after killing the monster with her magical parasol of Pink Rubbery Duckies. She folded her parasol up, and pointed ahead.

"Onward ho!" She said.

"Oh, Mary Sue, you're so awesome you should lead us!" Sheena said, "Don't you think, Lloyd?"

"She should?" Lloyd asked. Mary Sue smacked him over the head, and Sheena pet the girl on the head.

"What a strong, smart, cute person! You're so sweet!"

"Hell yeah, bitch," Mary Sue replied as Lloyd struggled to stand back upright, "Now you go on ahead so you die first since Yggdrasil will undoubtedly try and kill me first because I'm the coolest person ever." Sheena greatly obliged.

---

So the three rushed onward and finally arrived at Yggdrasil's throne room. Yggdrasil laughed at the group, "Hahahahaha! You cannot defeat me! I will defeat you in one hit, you losers!"

"Yeah right! I'm the leader of this group and I'm going to pwn you so hard! Then I can finally go home to Earth because that's where I come from!" Mary Sue shouted, "I hated my parents but now I want to see them again because there's no place like home just like in Wizard of Oz!"

"You didn't come from Earth!" Lloyd shouted, "You're my daughter, and I don't even know what the hell Earth is! You'd better start making sense or I'm going to make Colette teach you a…" He stopped, and gasped loudly, "Wait a minute…" He placed his hand over his mouth, "Colette! After all this time, I've missed out on life without her! Oh, Colette, forgive your foolish husband!" Around this time Mary Sue was angry that Lloyd was rambling about someone OTHER than her so she kicked him and he fell out of the window. He fell a hundred thousand billion feet before he hit the ground head first and was decapitated. Yggdrasil laughed.

"That was so awesome!" He said, ever the child, "Do it again, Mary Sue! Then we'll join forces and take over the world together and then we can make out and have sex every second! You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Mary Sue thought about it, "Hmmmm…" She thought as Sheena rushed to the window to look out at where her love had fallen, "Let me see… I guess that seems alright!"

"You little bitch!" Sheena screeched, leaping on top of Mary Sue, "You killed my one true love!" Yggdrasil gasped! Sheena was attacking his whore!

"Judgement!" Mary Sue was able to punch Sheena in the face and run away just as Sheena got struck down by a Judgement spell. Mary Sue rushed to stand next to Yggdrasil.

"Thanks for saving me!" She said with a smile.

"Now we can sex each other," Yggdrasil said, getting straight to the point. Mary Sue got straight to the point as well. She stabbed him right in the chest with her pointy parasol.

"And now you're dead!" Mary Sue said, thinking she was very witty.

"You fool!" Yggdrasil shouted, "If I can't rule the world, NO ONE CAN! Now I'm going to blow up all of it because I'm just THAT much of a cool bad guy!" And then he died (and all the Yggdrasil fans got mad that the authoress didn't make him die sadly and "Awww"fully like Kratos).

But this story wasn't about Yggdrasil or his fans! It was all about Mary Sue who was awesome and cool! But now she needed to find a way to save the world from being blown up by the cool bad guy Yggdrasil! All she had to do was save the world with the Eternal Sword(s)!

"Alright! Time for me to lift up these swords and save the world much better than my father ever could!" She lifted the swords up, but nothing happened. She then realized that she needed to have a pact with Origin to wield the swords! It was then that Mary Sue understood that she and the world were royally screwed.

The entire world exploded in an entire array of fireworks and sparklies.

---

All but Lloyd's (now Colette's) house. Her house was actually on a hidden space-time fault. Which was why she was stuck waiting patiently for her husband to return so she could pull cookies from the oven. Because she was stuck that way, she (and the entire house) was saved from the world exploding. Because it couldn't hang out all alone in the middle of space, the rest of the world remained. Just that everyone died except her. And anyone who happened to be in the house as well.

At that very moment, Colette looked up with a blink when she heard footsteps descending the stairs. The woman peered intently at the house's intruder, and gasped when she realized who it was, "R… Rodyle! What are you doing here?"

The Half-Elf looked up, "Oh, you really want to know?" Colette nodded slowly, and Rodyle sighed as he started his painfully long explanation, "You see, your friend Raine wanted to bring her brother back to life but accidentally plucked MY hair from his deceased body (that was still around ever since you guys mutilated me) and instead of sacrificing herself to return her brother to life, I came back. Wacky, huh?" Colette nodded slowly.

"Anyway, I hung around on the second floor of your house, waiting for Lloyd to return. I swore that I wouldn't leave until that filthy Human returned to this house. Apparently I was stuck in time just as you were." He went to look out of the doorway (although the door was still kicked in by the long dead Zelos), "It also looks like no one else is alive. Yggdrasil really did a number on this place." Colette nodded slowly.

"Well… I mean…" Colette blinked, "I'm waiting for my husband to return so I can pull these cookies from the oven. When he does, do you want some?"

Rodyle whirled around, adjusting his red glasses, "Don't you see!?" he shouted, "You fool, there's no one left! We're the only ones alive! Your husband's dead, you don't HAVE a husband anymore!"

The Half-Elf was interrupted when he heard the buzzer "Ding"! Colette turned to the oven and pulled out some piping hot cookies. Rodyle turned to look for Lloyd, but there was no Eternal Swordsman, "I suppose…" Colette said, "If the cookies are ready now… my husband's here…" Rodyle stared as the former Chosen took off her apron and let her hair down. She turned to the Half-Elf with a smile and held out a tray filled with cookies, "do you want some?"

Rodyle was about to speak up, to protest, to YELL at her, but suddenly broke down and took a cookie, "Yeah… I suppose I'll be staying here for a long while…"

And so the two fell in love and got married and had sex and had kids. Thanks to Rodyle's "Time Compression" invention (of which the mechanics were stolen by someone named Ultimecia) that he invented on the second floor of Colette's house while waiting for Lloyd, the new Adam and Eve esque characters were able to repopulate the planet in less than three days.

Yggdrasil's dream came true; with a Half-Elf and Human being the only two beings on the planet, there was now, truly, no discrimination between Human, Elf and Half-Elf.

Except that was the worst and most roundabout way to do it. Seriously…

The End!

---

Yeah... about the ending... heh, my friend Noirrac and I had been joking about RodylexColette for the LONGEST time...

So this is my loving gesture to yet another great parody pairing.

That's the end, all! Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
